Self Talk and Cheap Dopamine

When I really struggle with negative self talk, I know that something deeper is going on. I imagine our psyche a bit like a tree. If we really believe something deep down, then we see fruits appear on the top, even if we do not see the roots. In this way, our sins also reflect deep down our broken and often poisoned roots, and we recognize the Christian struggle as a process of not just pruning harmful fruits (sins), but also of purifying and cultivating the tree. Alas, we are planted in God’s garden, and as he cares for us and gives us his Eucharist and forgives our sins in Confession, the tree is replanted and the roots kept healthy. And so I come to Advent.

As many know, I am a natural melancholy, which means I am basically the human equivalent (in nature, mind you) to the “Eeyore” character in “Winnie-the-Pooh.” I naturally see the world and all half-filled glasses as half-empty. While I know all struggle with negative thoughts and self-accusations, I happen to know that melancholies tend to struggle even more than most. Therefore, I wish to give some insight on how to battle the recurring fruits of negative self-talk amongst other discouraging and sometimes disordered thought patterns. First of all, I should note that I have never found the “cheer up” mentality helpful (although some do). I personally see this as a “virtue” of the world which values self-will and power, as if true joy can just come from positive thinking. In my experience (and in the experience of the Church, it seems), this is backwards; “cheer up” is a conclusion, not a starting point. We cheer up because of something, not simply because we force our thoughts to think about positive things. Joy follows from being satisfied, and we know that deep down we cannot fulfill our own desires. Only God can do that.

So what gets at the roots? What causes the Christian to cheer up in the deep way? Jesus says that the “Truth will set you free” (Jn 8:32), and so I can only respond to these questions with the truth. When I am down, I reflect on the true things, not just “positive things.” I know that the Eucharist is real because of miracles, I know that Jesus died and rose because disciples witnessed him and gave their lives for it, and I know that therefore I am in God’s awesome Providence and under his purposes. Reflecting on the truths of the faith do set us free because they reground our roots to start making good fruits. Instead of a bunch of positive thinking like “I can do it!” or “I’m awesome” or “I can do anything my mind is set to;” I think like the Church: “I am a work in progress,” “I am a beloved son, but not yet perfect,” “I am an unprofitable servant that God thinks a great deal of.” These sorts of reflections and prayers force us to practice the virtue of faith which helps us to see God and his world correctly. This Advent, go to the roots and put some truth there. We tend to answer our self-talk with cheap dopamine that just alleviates the bad fruit we’ve been making; phones, screens, foods, distractions, forcing positivity. Instead, we can battle it with the chapel and his truth that sets us free.